Repression

You are a part of me,
not in that exhausted cliche way.
I would be an entirely altered self without you.
Despite delay, I have gathered that I need you.
You are my lifetime lover,
a scar on my soul.
We are a perfect, parasitic affair.
My skin has become callused from your assaults.
You conditioned me to fear the world around me.
Yet nothing in this universe could cause such wounds to me, besides you.
Continue to string me along, my love.
I've learned to laugh at the intolerable pain.
Never have I known a more reliable being than you.
For sorrow suits me best.

She longed for the stars ~Dakota Wint poem

Part of me thinks that she lost her mind.
And another part of me thinks that maybe she found it.
She always dreamed about running away, and then one day she just left.
No phone calls to anybody, no hugs goodbye, no notes, nothing.
She longed the stars.
Lifting rocks for something more,
She made friends with trees,
And she would kiss the moon goodnight.
The irony of how she saw beauty in everything but herself.
My favorite part about the sunset is how it reminds me of her.
Everyone could see it,
She's the kind of girl that shines like the sun, and she has no idea.
The entire sky with all its stars and moons and milky white arms could do it's best to push her down but she'd still rise again the next morning just as beautiful as the day before.
I miss her.
And I hope she's smiling somewhere.
Maybe she found a cliff, overlooking deathbed rocks and ocean waves.
Ready to tell a story she never knew how to say.
But I don't know if she dove head first,
Or if she learned to fly.
But either way I hope she found it in herself to float away.

My favorite little seed ~Dakota Wint poem

Beautiful things are happening in the depths of your pain.
Even in the shadows of your sadness, flowers grow.
I always said that she was like a flower to me,
In more than the way that she radiates beauty into my world.
It was the way that no matter how many times the world cut her down,
She grows back, just as strong, and just as beautiful as before.
And I remember the time she told me,
"Maybe we're more like flowers than we think we are.
Just like the beauty of a flower is intended within a tiny little seed.
I think soulmates are like that.
Somehow and some way.
Us, and this moment,
It was all intended the second the universe first exploded and planted us into existence like little seeds."
I laughed and said,
"Billions of years of cosmic chaos
And it was all just for me to appreciate the way the sunset reflects into your eyes?
It all seems kind of silly, don't you think?
All these mysteries of the universe and-
You are the only thing that's ever made any sense to me.
It's you.
It's always been you.
My favorite little seed.
I like to think that maybe all those stars and galaxies and explosions up there
And I like to think its just a fireworks show
A fireworks show in celebration to those with the courage to look up
Or maybe it's just the light left on so we don't forget where home is.
Either way, when I'm feeling alone,
I look up at the stars
Because...
Because, maybe you are too."

Somewhere, under moonlight ~Dakota Wint poem

Somewhere, under moonlight, she dances
In her barefeet with dilated eyes and flowers in her hair.
She's the perfect combination between "Whatever" and "I don't care."
She's the kind of person that shakes you up and turns your world upside down.
It's like you're just watching her and then...
All of a sudden, you remember that you're alive.
You remember that you're alive.
And it sounds silly because you wake up everyday but...
The days that she's around...
The days that she is around are different.
There's something divine in the moments shared with a free spirit.
Days with her just seemed... slower... you know?
You feel like the moment's gonna last forever, so...
You take a look around and you notice the beauty in everything for the first time
From speckled dust floating in sunbeams to the melody of wind in dancing trees.
The world is filled with beautiful magic and she was the one who dared me to look.
Some people are artist.
And some people are art.
But, my God, she's both.
So, wherever you are, may starlight guide us to each other.
Because somewhere under that same moon,
I'm thinking about you.

Bereft of a love in which never quite begun.
Overthought, due to intoxication, perhaps sleep deprivation. A pleasant elixir.
Admittedly, to believe in such perfection was a glamorous fallacy. So alike, yet polar opposites. A focal point of admiration. Supplying faith, a distraction from the heartache. Perhaps a solution.

Constructed courage to clarify my allurement. Feeling relief, abnormally. Avoiding betrayal by accepting the jealousy. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"
Poisonous hope and sunken expectations.

Angelic words blind, confidence lures, candor tempts,
Daft was I.
Unaware of the mask,
So prominent yet perfectly camouflaged to his rotten flesh.
Manipulation.
I smile and act the fool he must think I am.
Pining for my heart to reciprocate the resentment.

Hybristophilia.?

Finding Myself

I constantly try to keep a positive attitude, 80% of the time I fail. I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't put my all in for people that don't do the same for me. I need to gain more self worth and be happy with who I am as a whole. I'm not sure if that is completely possible for me yet but there should be no harm in trying. My biggest fear has always been not being loved. No matter how hard I try to not care what others think about me, I always do. But I've realized that if the person I want doesn't want me the same way and doesn't need me then they aren't worth it.

What inspired these thoughts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlAll9o4O7Y